GIVING AND RECEIVING COMPLIMENTS
“receiving: say thank you. giving: confident, indirect, then change topic.”
The Lesson
Receiving compliments: just say 'thank you.' Works 100% of the time, never wrong. Giving compliments: be authentic (people sense fake), believable (don't over-claim), and matter-of-fact (weave it into conversation naturally). Use indirect compliments ('Bob was saying how smart you are-I agree'). Tell a friend who'll relay it. Seems more sincere with no obvious motive. Be confident. Confidence removes creepiness. Have no immediate motive when complimenting. Best technique: drop the compliment and immediately change topics ('You look great. So about that project...'). Removes awkwardness. Compliment character for attractive people, looks for those who rarely hear it. 'Sexy' works better than 'beautiful'. People believe they're sexy even if they're not classically attractive.
Real-World Example
A founder wants to build rapport with a potential hire who's brilliant but undervalued at their current job. Wrong: gushing praise in the interview. Right: mention to a mutual connection that 'she's one of the best engineers I've talked to.' It gets back to her. In the next meeting, say matter-of-factly, 'Obviously your technical judgment is excellent, so...' and move to the agenda. Indirect, confident, immediately pivoted. She feels valued without awkwardness.
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